i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I pour the whiskey from now on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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