The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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