SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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