It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
