you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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