he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
