this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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