Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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