I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
