Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
