OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
