She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
