He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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