ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
