Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
