if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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