Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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