I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
