i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize