If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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