He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
