he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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