I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
