Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
