so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize