its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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