My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
