This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
