Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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