everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
