I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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