she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
