He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
