Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
