I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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