We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
