so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
