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Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
