did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I want to make a zoo with you.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
