I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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