You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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