She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
