____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
