he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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