Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
