I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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