somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
