I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
