oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
