did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
