Christians are straight up FREAKS
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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