So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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