Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
