he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
