Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
