what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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