i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
