You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
