I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
