I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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