does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
