so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
