Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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