I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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