I puked a lego.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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