I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
