She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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