apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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