I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
