I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
