yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
