i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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