I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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