It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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