K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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