I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
