I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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