Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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