Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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