i think my tv is drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
