He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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