it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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