He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
