plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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