Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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