I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
